


FOOLS™

by DanFanRonpa



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied Sexual Content, Kink Revelation, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parental Riza Hawkeye, Parental Roy Mustang, Sexual Humor, Texting, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 9,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24082819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanFanRonpa/pseuds/DanFanRonpa
Summary: OnUrKnees: professor grunman offers 2 walk u homeOnUrKnees: wt u do??Wrench: hit him. with ma wrenchFryingPAN: OH YES DADDYFanGirl: I am this close--MeiYouFuckOff: Not today, bitch. Stab him with a kunaiI'mNotAFurry: (　〇□〇）OnUrKnees: u don't need to answer, alFanGirl: Anyway, I would slit his throatWrench: no. u obviously kill him via blunt force traumaIt'sScIEnCe: FOOLSFryingPAN: JDNFNLSKAIt'sScIEnCe: You obviously stab him in the dick!OnUrKnees changed the subject from 'The Mistakes' to 'FOOLS™'It'sScIEnCe: Oh, wow
Relationships: Edward Elric/Ling Yao, Mei Chan | May Chang/Alphonse Elric, Paninya/Winry Rockbell, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 43
Kudos: 149





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It'sScIEnCe: Ed  
> OnUrKnees: Ling  
> I'mNotAFurry: Al  
> MeiYouFuckOff: Mei  
> Wrench: Winry  
> FryingPAN: Paninya  
> FanGirl: Lan Fan

It'sScIEnCe: So I'm gonna die

I'mNotAFurry: no ur not ( ￣＾￣)

OnUrKnees: what happened??

I'mNotAFurry: he walked in on roy and riza (ó﹏ò｡)

Wrench: i— 

FryingPAN: Bitch u ain't gon' die from that

MeiYouFuckOff: They won't kill you

It'sScIEnCe: Who said they'll kill me?

It'sScIEnCe: The only person killing me is me

Wrench: DON'T YOU DARE

I'mNotAFurry: i won't let u (;Д;)

FanGirl: Denied

It'sScIEnCe: No one can stop me

OnUrKnees: please don't

It'sScIEnCe: Okay, fine

FanGirl: Whipped

I'mNotAFurry: it's nice to know that my brother cares enough to listen to me (_ _|||)

MeiYouFuckOff: I care, Al

OnUrKnees: ur opinion is invalid

It'sScIEnCe: ...

OnUrKnees: IN THIS SCENARIO CUZ AL IS TALKING ABOUT YOU NOT CARING!! 

OnUrKnees: DON'T HATE ME, ED!!

OnUrKnees: I LOVE YOU!!

> Reply: _It'sScIEnCe: So I'm gonna die_

It'sScIEnCe: ^^

Several people are typing...


	2. Chapter 2

FryingPAN: i'm bored. entertain me

It'sScIEnCe: Hi, Bored

Wrench: ohmyfuckinggodbsndnsksmd

I'mNotAFurry: (゜Д゜*) RUN

FanGirl: What is it this time? Ed? Edward? Dead?

It'sScIEnCe: I'm gay

OnUrKnees is typing...

MeiYouFuckOff: I KNEW IT! WINRY, PAY UP!

Wrench: DAMMIT!!

FanGirl: That's new

I'mNotAFurry: ●.◉ since?? when??

FryingPAN: wow, my boredom just flew out the window

It'sScIEnCe: I love being supported

Wrench: ur welcome

FanGirl: Ling has been typing for a long time now

MeiYouFuckOff: He's probably having fit

FryingPAN: ye (cuz he gay for a certain someone)

It'sScIEnCe: I will end you

I'mNotAFurry: OWO

Wrench: and u say ur not a furry

OnUrKnees: that is perfectly acceptable. we all support you no matter what. if you are gay, you are gay. your sexuality is your own business. not that i don't care, but i won't judge because i accept you no matter what. you are very brave for admitting this

Fangirl: Um

Wrench: ~~wow that's a lot of gay panic~~

It'sScIEnCe: Thank you, Ling. You're my favourite out of these unsupportive jerks

OnUrKnees: ahahaha. ed is MY bestie now

MeiYouFuckOff: Holy crap...

Wrench: damn. just got tossed away :((

I'mNotAFurry: even me?? ಥ_ಥ

MeiYouFuckOff: HOLY CRAP

OnUrKnees: what??

FryingPAN: are we missing something??

MeiYouFuckOff: [HOLY CRAP](https://images.app.goo.gl/ofYGjavt1f8Cpg7F7)

FanGirl: I believe we are the only aware ones in the group

OnUrKnees: ed? what's up??

It'sScIEnCe: Nothing! Just me being a FOOL™

FryingPAN: what a fucking mood


	3. Chapter 3

FanGirl: Is @I'mNotAFurry a furry or not?

I'mNotAFurry: << ⋋_⋌

Wrench: he iiiisss

OnUrKnees: ed said that he dressed as a furry

I'mNotAFurry: FOR HALLOWEEN (#｀皿´)

FryingPAN: pics or it didnt happen

It'sScIEnCe: [Leave me alone](https://images.app.goo.gl/haDT4pALqHowjMJx7)

MeiYouFuckOff: Oh my God--

Wrench: emo

It'sScIEnCe: Actually, we have an essay to complete by tomorrow

FanGirl: Ah, yes. I'm halfway through. Just taking a breather

Wrench: ...

I'mNotAFurry: you distracted me!! (ಠ ∩ಠ)

OnUrKnees: ...

It'sScIEnCe: I didn't! Blame Lan Fan!

FanGirl: I take great offence to that 

FryingPAN: ...

MeiYouFuckOff: Is no one going to talk about the photo of Al dressed as a blue wolf?

MeiYouFuckOff: No? 

FanGirl: I forgot to click on it...

I'mNotAFurry: I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF FURRIES BACK THEN!! (┳Д┳)

FanGirl: So your username _isn't_ ironic?

I'mNotAFurry: No!! (┳◇┳)

It'sScIEnCe: From your silence, I'm guessing @Wrench, @FryingPAN and @OnUrKnees forgot the assignment? 

OnUrKnees: CALLED OUT!!

Wrench: DAMMIT

FryingPAN: I BLAME LAN FAN FOR DISTRACT US!!

FanGirl: I thrive on your resentment

MeiYouFuckOff: Sadist

It'sScIEnCe: If you were a guy-- 

Wrench: what?? if she were a he, what??

It'sScIEnCe: If she were a guy, I would definitely be turned on 

Several people are typing...


	4. Chapter 4

Wrench: y do people cry at ur lie in april??

It'sScIEnCe: Not sure

It'sScIEnCe: But like you're one to talk

MeiYouFuckOff: BECAUSE IT'S SO SAD

I'mNotAFurry: WHY DO THEY ALWAYS DIE WHEN HE'S PERFORMING!? (இ﹏இ`｡)

OnUrKnees: hahaha. i dunno but i cried at your name

FryingPAN: everyone cried at your name

It'sScIEnCe: Actually...

FanGirl: ...

MeiYouFuckOff: YOU HEARTLESS FIENDS

I'mNotAFurry: EVEN LING CRIED!! ༼☯﹏☯༽

Wrench: even i cried!! how dare you!! 

It'sScIEnCe: That doesn't really say anything when you CRIED FOR YOUR DEAD WORMS

FryingPAN: KDJDBSJSKAO

Wrench: HEY! WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT!

I'mNotAFurry: I forgot about that (≖ᴗ≖✿)

FryingPAN: I AM CONFUSION! AMERICA EXPLAIN!!

It'sScIEnCe is typing...

Wrench: DON'T YOU DARE!!

OnUrKnees: was he talking literally or...??

I'mNotAFurry: well, winry actually cried over her worms dying, but it was in a game uwu

Wrench: shut it, furry

MeiYouFuckOff: I will never let this go

OnUrKnees: oh ma god same

FanGirl: The foreigners are on the same wavelength 

It'sScIEnCe: We were playing this game where worms fight each other like modern warfare. And I got to the highest point so that when the time runs out, my worm (Roger) would be the last to die. By this point, all of Winry's worms survived but I had Roger and Al had Karl and Chip. So, when the time ran out, Winry tried to save her worms, but they all ended up being drowned

It'sScIEnCe: She cried and then threw up

OnUrKnees: oh my god...

> _Reply: MeiYouFuckOff: I will never let this go_

MeiYouFuckOff: I stan by my message. This is hilarious

FryingPAN: 1) were you high?? 2) were you okay??

Wrench: it was 4am!! don't @ me!!

FanGirl: I'd expect something like that from Al, not you

I'mNotAFurry: (¬_¬) ... Why...?

FanGirl: Because you're a furry

I'mNotAFurry: SKJXNSNAKD DO YOU NOT SEE MY USERNAME!? ლಠ益ಠ)ლ


	5. Chapter 5

Wrench: ur mom gay

FryingPAN: bitch-- i will drAg yOU 

OnUrKnees: i'm pretty sure my mom is straight

MeiYouFuckOff: She's really not. Neither is mine

OnUrKnees: i--

FanGirl: Are you unaware that your mother is dating hers? 

OnUrKnees: ... 

It'sScIEnCe: Winry

Wrench: riza's gay

It'sScIEnCe: I mean, she's probably bi. I saw her staring at some lady's ass so...

I'mNotAFurry: WHAT!? WHEN!?!? 0.o

It'sScIEnCe: When I was five and she took me to the library

MeiYouFuckOff: Was it Sheska? She works there

It'sScIEnCe: Yeah

Wrench: wow. who's parents are straight apart from mine??

FryingPAN: mine. my dad is as straight as an arrow

It'sScIEnCe: Roy's a bi disaster - he definitely made out with Havoc at least twice before getting with Riza

OnUrKnees: well my mother isnt as straight as i thought so...

I'mNotAFurry: i'm confused. how is roy bi and since when did he make out with havoc?? =–=

It'sScIEnCe: Since I caught them saying 'not again' under the mistletoe and walking away

I'mNotAFurry: am i the only straight one in the family?? •∆•

It'sScIEnCe: Apart from Hohenheim, yeah

Wrench: ohmagod

MeiYouFuckOff: The same goes for me, so you're not alone, Al

OnUrKnees: am i invisible??

FanGirl: No. Just gay

FryingPAN: srsly!? when were u gonna tell us!?

OnUrKnees: i was going to tell you as soon as i realised. but im not gay so

MeiYouFuckOff: ...

FanGirl: ...

Wrench: fair

I'mNotAFurry: ok, i was really worried for a sec `~’

FryingPAN: s h a m e

It'sScIEnCe: And here I thought you betrayed us

* * *

_Private Message: FanGirl > It'sScIEnCe_

FanGirl: Are you okay?

It'sScIEnCe: I'm fine. Why?

FanGirl: Mei and I aren't oblivious, Ed. We know you have a thing for Ling

It'sScIEnCe: It's fine. It's just a small crush

FanGirl: You and I both know that's not the case. Don't lie to me or to yourself, Ed

It'sScIEnCe is typing...

It'sScIEnCe: Do you think I can come around yours? Now?

FanGirl: Of course


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lan Fan/Ed bonding

"So..." Ed drawled as he shifted on the floor. Facing him, Lan Fan had a similar face of discomfort. 

"So..." She repeated, averting her eyes. "Do... Do you want to talk about it?"

Ed contemplated. He and Lan Fan weren't all too close. The reason he's friends with her is that Ling forced the power of friendship upon him. And their social skills aren't the best. Then there was the problem of distraction or venting? Eventually, he went with the latter. "If you... don't mind..." 

Where does he start? How does he go about this? When he first started falling for Ling? Or when he finally accepted he liked Ling? Or maybe even when he started having breakdowns over Ling casually rejecting him. 

"Of course not." Lan Fan easily replies. She shuffles over. "If you don't mind, may I ask you a question?" God, her wording matches her texts. Then again, so does his. Ed nods. "Why haven't you told him? Or anyone?" 

Fuck. "I..." Did she really have to ask? "You've read and heard everything he says. That stuff about not being gay and his oblivious ass. I don't wanna strain our friendship..." It sounded weird to even his own ears when he mentioned friendship. It took Ed a full three months for him to finally accept Ling's friendship. 

Lan Fan made a small noise at the back of her throat. "I see... Well," she tucks her hair behind her ear, "why haven't you told anyone else? Even Al is oblivious." 

Again, a hard question to answer. Mainly because of his damned pride. Ed flushed and ducked his head, staring into his cup of water. "I was... scared..." He mumbles just loud enough for her to hear. "I thought that they would... I dunno... like, laugh at my face, or s'mthing..." 

It felt like a weak and overused argument, but it was the truth. He didn't even trust Al about it. Deep down he knows that none of his friends would laugh at him. But there was a sliver of paranoia that said otherwise. 

"Ed..." Her eyes softened. Lan Fan moves just a little bit closer to him. "You and I both know that they would never." Maybe. But it still scared him to tell them. Almost as much as... 

"I know." Ed cut himself off his own train of thought. "But I don't at the same time... Argh-!" He shook his head in frustration. "I can't explain it!" 

Lan Fan hummed. "Then, can you explain how you fell for Ling?" 

That, he can explain. "Well, I don't even know when I started falling for him, just when I realised." He admitted. Finding out was an experience. "I realised during the last new years festival. Remember when you guys abandoned us?" Lan Fan nodded, only slightly guilty. She went off with Winry and Paninya to try to win some of those shooting games. Then Al and Mei went off to win some of those fishing things. Ed and Ling were left alone. "Well, we ended up watching the fireworks on a hill by ourselves. Instead of the fireworks, I ended up staring at Ling. Then I just realised... I love him."

* * *

_"Geez...! I can't believe they just left us here!" Ed scowled as he watched Mei tug Al along to the fishing stand._

_Ling laughed heartedly. "It's okay, Ed." He nodded his head. "Let's find a place to watch." With a groan, Ed allowed Ling to lead the way. "You know how they are. Especially Al and Mei."_

_"Yeah. It's pretty obvious that Al likes Mei and vice versa." He drawled. Even if Al hasn't told him, Ed can still tell. They've been together for fourteen years now - there's no way Ed wouldn't notice._

_The way to the hilltop had been filled with casual conversations with some half-assed insults thrown in now and then. Of course, Ed would never admit to finding their banter fun. That would mean a lifetime of teasing. From Ling and from everyone else too._

_"Here's perfect." Ling smiled as they stopped at the top. He slipped his phone out and switched it on. "Ah, just in time." He turned to Ed. "Come on! Hurry, it's about to start!"_

_Ed playfully glared and sat right next to Ling, legs out in front of him while using his arms to prop his torso up. As soon as he got comfortable, a firework shot up and exploded in a green flash._

_Ling's smile widened with an amazed gasp. Ed looked at him. His sharp eyes were open, mouth slightly open in awe. The multi-coloured lights of the fireworks decorated his face. His kimono was sagging slightly, just about showing his collarbone._

_It was beautiful._

_"Amazing..." Ling has whispered. Ed agreed wholeheartedly. But on a different subject altogether._

_For a long time, he'd wondered what feeling it was that Ed felt whenever he was so close to Ling. Or even alone with Ling. He always felt so light, like he could float away. He's figured it out now._

_The red of the firework hides Ed's blush. 'Crap... I fell for him...!'_

_Ling grinned. "I think... sharing this sight with you is good enough." Ed quickly turns his head to make sure Ling didn't see him staring._

_"... Sap..." Really, why did Ling think it's a good idea to use such romantic words?_

* * *

Lan Fan looked down. "I see..." She could only imagine how torn he is whenever Ling breaks his heart. "..." 

Wordlessly, she brings Ed into a hug. It's all that she can do. She's aromantic - she doesn't understand these feelings. But she can understand that her friend is hurting and she needs to do something about it. Ed doesn't hug back, but he mutters his thanks and it's as heartfelt as it comes. 

"If it's any consolation..." She says after a good minute or two, "I don't think Ling is one hundred per cent on his sexuality just yet..." 

Ed makes a small noise at the back of his throat. Maybe she's right. But then, maybe she's wrong...


	7. Chapter 7

Wrench: ok i known it's been like a week or so since ed came out

Wrench: but how did no one realise jos gay ass 

Wrench: *his 

PANinya: ndbbdksksb shit u rite

MeiYouFuckOff: It was pretty obvious. You guys are just dumb

I'mNotAFurry: O.o even me!? 

OnUrKnees: especially you seeing as you've been closest to ed

FanGirl: Well, you can't blame the straight lad. I'm more surprised that Winry and Paninya didn't notice

It'sScIEnCe: Yup. Can't believe you didn't see it when I criticized that one guy's fashion sense

It'sScIEnCe: Wait, let me find it

Wrench: i was gonna say, i don't remember shit from forever ago

I'mNotAFurry: brother has some sort of weird memory powers which lets him remember the most random things ever —°—

OnUrKnees: remember when he started spitting facts about crayons to mr bradley's son lmao

PANinya: oh ya

PANinya: and the wife actually looked interested XDD

> Reply: _It'sScIEnCe: He looked like he went shopping at Poundland, blind, and in the woman's section. Imagine a guy wearing some random ass shit from Anne Summers and mixing it in with the left-over fabric in Victoria Secret. To top it all of, the guy had insanely long hair and was wearing sandals. In the middle of February_

It'sScIEnCe: ^^

It'sScIEnCe: Also, I resent that @PANinya

Wrench: holy fucking shit

OnUrKnees: idk abt u guys, but that had gay written all over it

MeiYouFuckOff: Hindsight is 20/20

FanGirl: I knew

FryingPAN: NOBODY ASKED YOU LAN FAN

> Reply: _Wrench:_ _but how did no one realise jos gay ass_

FanGirl: I digress

OnUrKnees: NXNDKSKSL

It'sScIEnCe: Women are never wrong. Well, immigrant women 

FanGirl: Exactly

MeiYouFuckOff: At least someone gets it

FryingPAN: YEAH

FryingPAN: wait

FryingPAN: ... only immigrants?? 

It'sScIEnCe: You and Winry don't count

Wrench: BLOCKED

It'sScIEnCe: Wait, unblock me real quick

Wrench: unblocked

It'sScIEnCe: Bitch

Wrench: B L O C K E D

I'mNotAFurry: lmao u been had —^–

FryingPAN: fuck u 

I'mNotAFurry: how rude >://


	8. Chapter 8

I'mNotAFurry: i have never been so scared in my life

OnUrKnees: doubt

I'mNotAFurry: okay, so i've seen scarier, but this almost tops it

MeiYouFuckOff: What happened?? 

I'mNotAFurry is typing...

Wrench: what did ed do this time?

FryingPAN: love how we assume it was ed's fault

FryingPAN: @It'sScIEnCe

FryingPAN: @It'sScIEnCe pick up the red phone!! 

OnUrKnees: where's lan fan??

It'sScIEnCe: Fuck off. Al's just being overdramatic

FanGirl: I am here, sorry

I'mNotAFurry: right, so i'm in my room just watching some random experiment vids on yt. then i get a bit hungry so i go downstairs for some sort of snack like pringles. i enter the kitchen and there ed is, laughing and joking around with lan fan. i felt a shiver go down my spine - i was so scared ngl ( ﾉД`)

It'sScIEnCe: Gotta add the jemoticons 

Wrench: THAT IS FUCKING TERRIFYING

OnUrKnees: since?? when?? did this?? happen?? 

FryingPAN: WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY HOW

MeiYouFuckOff: That's not too bad? Why are we freaking out? 

I'mNotAFurry: think of the chaos they could cause together!! also they started the power of friendship with a fight wherein ed broke his arm and lan fan was knocked out?!?! 

MeiYouFuckOff: Ah yes, chaos. I love it

FanGirl: While I agree that our introduction was quite... over the top, I can assure that our level of friendship hasn't gotten to the point where I will take over the world by his side

FanGirl: Maybe assist him occasionally, but not right-hand man

It'sScIEnCe: Drats

Wrench: SEE!?!? ED IS A MAD SCIENTIST AND LAN FAN IS A FREAKING ASSASSIN

FanGirl: I prefer the term ninja

OnUrKnees: i wanna take over the world too!! let me be by ur side!! 

It'sScIEnCe: Can't. You haven't learned my tragic backstory just yet. And you need to be level five to unlock it

FryingPAN: lmao get shot down

I'mNotAFurry: brother, who actually had unlocked your tragic backstory™?? apart from winry and me obvs

It'sScIEnCe: What are you talking about? Only you know my tragic backstory, Al. Winry doesn't know about the entirety of our time with teacher

I'mNotAFurry: oh shit u rite

Wrench: i wish i did. it seems like fun

I'mNotAFurry: it really isn't ;( 

FanGirl: What level am I on? 

It'sScIEnCe: Level 4, 5/200 exp

OnUrKnees: lmao it's literally turned into an rpg

OnUrKnees: wt bout me?? 

It'sScIEnCe: Mmmmmmm -- Level 4, 25/200

OnUrKnees: FUCK YEAH I'M ALMOST AT TRAGIC BACKSTORY LEVEL

I'mNotAFurry: what lvl am i on?? 

It'sScIEnCe: Right so, level 10 is max. You are currently on level 9, 475/500 

I'mNotAFurry: I AM SO CLOSE!! SCREW U LING I'M OVER DOUBLE UR LEVEL

MeiYouFuckOff: I always knew Al was jealous of Ling's friendship with Ed, lol

It'sScIEnCe: Mei, you're at level 3, 20/150 

MeiYouFuckOff: Fair

Wrench: lmao, imagine being on lvl 3

It'sScIEnCe: Win, you're on level 6, 175/300. You can do better than that

Wrench: HOW FUCKING RUDE

FryingPAN: PICK ME!! PICK ME!!! 

It'sScIEnCe: Level 3, 10/150. Deal with it 

FryingPan: i would kick u but then al would be Disappointed™

I'mNotAFurry: wait a sec

OnUrKnees: o shit yeah 

> Reply: _OnUrKnees: since?? when?? did this?? happen??_

OnUrKnees: pls ans

FanGirl: It happened when I levelled up

I'mNotAFurry: that explains nothing!! brother explain!! 

It'sScIEnCe: I got huggies

I'mNotAFurry: i changed my mind. NOW i have never been so scared in my life


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spitfire: Roy   
> Pewpew: Riza

**Familam**

Spitfire: @It'sScIEnCe u got something to tell us?? 

It'sScIEnCe: Um, no? 

I'mNotAFurry: wt did brother do this time?? 

It'sScIEnCe: Screw you, Al

Pewpew: This seems so threatening. He's just asking about why we walked in on you blushing with Lan Fan

Pewpew: Is there something going on? 

I'mNotAFurry: jxjcnskskxn

It'sScIEnCe: We're not dating if that's what you were asking

It'sScIEnCe: I was about to ask why you would even think that before realising that I haven't told you guys yet 

Spitfire: I am both scared and intrigued

I'mNotAFurry: ur gonna realise something like a minute after ed tells u

It'sScIEnCe: Basically

It'sScIEnCe: Boys

Spitfire: ok fair

Pewpew: I am very proud of you for coming out to us, Ed

Pewpew: When did you realise? 

It'sScIEnCe: I've known since I was like twelve

I'mNotAFurry: you didn't even tell me?? 

I'mNotAFurry: b e t r a y e d

It'sScIEnCe: I thought I made it obvious enough. Remember Ann Summer, Victoria Secret, long hair, sandals guy in Feb? 

Spitfire: that is a recipe for disaster

Spitfire: who the hell wears sandals in february?? 

Pewpew: That's what you focus on? 

I'mNotAFurry: i'm still waiting for them, preferably roy, to realise

Pewpew: Realise what? 

It'sScIEnCe: Wait for it...

It'sScIEnCe: Now

Spitfire: holy shit

I'mNotAFurry: how u do that?? 

Spitfire: Al is the only straight one in the family?? 

Spitfire: Al is a minority in the group

Pewpew: ...

It'sScIEnCe: LET THE CHAOS BEGIN


	10. Chapter 10

MeiYouFuckOff: I hate homework so much

OnUrKnees: who actually likes hw?? 

Wrench: ed and al!! 

It'sScIEnCe: Fuck you, no I don't

I'mNotAFurry: hw is awful

FanGirl: And yet

FryingPAN: and yet ed's taking all the science classes and al's taking triple science

It'sScIEnCe: win's taking engineering leave me alone

OnUrKnees: i'm taking political science

FryingPAN: lmao u guys did this 2 urselves. i am literally only going for english cus its easy 

MeiYouFuckOff: Honestly, homework sucks no matter what. I myself am in the medical course and it's fucking horrendous

FanGirl: This is why I've taken Maths

I'mNotAFurry: what's with the sudden comment?? 

MeiYouFuckOff: I have to write like ten pages on one subject and an extra five for another one that we spent like two lessons on

Wrench: hw is fucking bullshit. especially essays. i spent an entire weekend writing one because it's like half our grade and the teacher just looked at me like 'this is trash' when i handed it in

Wrench: excuse me?? bitch who is u talking to?? 

OnUrKnees: don't get me started--

OnUrKnees: i got a minus instead of an a bc i wrote about a politician my teacher didn't agree with smh

FryingPAN: lmao my teacher barely teaches us shit. he even lets us on our phones

I'mNotAFurry: i don't know what u guys r moaning bout. my teacher tried to give me detention cuz i corrected her

FanGirl: My teacher almost slapped me because I yawned

It'sScIEnCe: My teacher strips in the middle of class

MeiYouFuckOff: I-- 

OnUrKnees: ed wins

Wrench: yeah u definitely have the worst

I'mNotAFurry: is it armstrong?? 

It'sScIEnCe: Yeah. The fucker visited me in the nurse's office after I passed out in the middle of science and just fucking stripped

I'mNotAFurry: oh shit yeah i wa sthere 

I'mNotAFurry: *was there

OnUrKnees: u passed out? 

It'sScIEnCe is typing...

FanGirl: You missed a class? 

FryingPAN: ur teach visits u?? 

MeiYouFuckOff: Glad to know Lan Fan and Paninya have their priorities straight

FryingPAN: nothing about me is straight 

It'sScIEnCe: In my defence, I got like three hours of sleep that week and I still got my classwork done. I don't even remember what led up to me passing out. I remember going to school and walking in class but nothing after. Mr Armstrong told me that I was out of it for the whole lesson. Apparently, he called on me to answer some question, so I stood up and then passed out as soon as I did

It'sScIEnCe: He almost crushed my lungs because he hugged me

Wrench: wow. also, it's so weird seeing you type hug in any form

I'mNotAFurry: the nurse looked so angry. she was like "don't make the boy pass out again >:/" 

OnUrKnees: please tell me u got proper sleep after that

I'mNotAFurry: roy and riza made him! he got like ten hours of sleep

It'sScIEnCe: It was weird; I'd never slept so much in my life, so it just made me even more tired when I woke up, but I wasn't going to pass out anytime soon

MeiYouFuckOff: This convo has gone from homework to teachers sucking, and to how Ed passed out and almost missed out on lessons

FanGirl: It be that way

FryingPAN: ngl i tried to imagine armstrong hugging ed and ended up with xiao mei being hugged by a giant panda

It'sScIEnCe: FUCK YOU


	11. Chapter 11

_Private Message: OnUrKnees > FanGirl_

OnUrKnees: so, i have a probkem

OnUrKnees: *problem

FanGirl: What's wrong? Are you okay? 

OnUrKnees: im physically fine, but i am lowkey panicking 

FanGirl: Take your time. You don't have to force yourself

OnUrKnees is typing...

OnUrKnees: so you know all of those jokes about me being gay but then i refute it? 

OnUrKnees: i might be

OnUrKnees: maybe?

FanGirl: Why do you think so? 

OnUrKnees: i don't know. some random girl commented on one of my ig posts asking if im single and i just--

OnUrKnees: she was very pretty, but i couldn't stand the idea of being with a girl

OnUrKnees: i always assumed that i like girls bc i really like female celebrities. but when presented the option, i just gagged

FanGirl: Are you against it? Being gay, I mean

OnUrKnees: not really.. it's just what it means

FanGirl: If you don't mind me asking, what does it mean? To you? 

OnUrKnees is typing... 

OnUrKnees: looking back on everything

OnUrKnees is typing...

OnUrKnees: i think i like ed


	12. Chapter 12

It'sScIEnCe: I saw sandals guy again

FryingPAN: oh shiiit

Wrench: where??

I'mNotAFurry: outside hot topic lmao 

OnUrKnees: of course

MeiYouFuckOff: Wait-- Were you??

It'sScIEnCe: FUCK NO

It'sScIEnCe: I was at the Central Library and I saw him walking out with two huge ass bags full of clothes

FryingPAN: u like huge asses

FanGirl: He likes a certain someone's the most

* * *

_Private Message: It'sScIEnCe > FanGirl_

It'sScIEnCe: SHUT--

FanGirl: :)

* * *

OnUrKnees: what was he wearing this time??

It'sScIEnCe: THE SAME SHIT

It'sScIEnCe: COINCIDENCE?? 

It'sScIEnCe: I got the feeling that he washes his clothes every day or has the fifty pairs of the exact same outfit

FryingPAN: like u can talk mr leather pants 

Wrench: OH SNAP

OnUrKnees: i think his leather pants look rather nice on him

FanGirl: Oh do you?

* * *

_Private Message: OnUrKnees > FanGirl_

OnUrKnees: STOP 

FanGirl: :)

* * *

I'mNotAFurry: speaking of leather pants, i saw a guy with leather pants on 

I'mNotAFurry: he was also wearing a fur-edged vest and had impossibly sharp teeth

OnUrKnees: how sharp??

MeiYouFuckOff: Something you wanna tell us, Al? 

I'mNotAFurry: yeah, i can't believe someone shares the same fashion sense as brother

It'sScIEnCe: Fuck you, Al

OnUrKnees: lmao

Wrench: leave al alone you emo!! 

FryingPAN: imagine yelling that to some random criminal holding your relative or friend hostage

FryingPAN: "LEAVE MY FRIEND/SIBLING ALONE, YOU EMO!!" 

It'sScIEnCe: I'm not an emo

Wrench: u and i both know that u would and have worn an MCR shirt 

It'sScIEnCe: Fuck me

FanGirl: I think we both know someone willing to do that

* * *

_Private Message: It'sScIEnCe > FanGirl_

It'sScIEnCe: NO WE DON'T

* * *

_Private Message: OnUrKnees > FanGirl_

OnUrKnees: DO WE NOW

* * *

FryingPAN: ??

Wrench: i am confusion

I'mNotAFurry: america explain 

MeiYouFuckOff: ... 

MeiYouFuckOff: ALT F9 - I'm done


	13. Chapter 13

FryingPAN: fellas i think im lesbian 

Wrench: ...

Wrench: NO REALLY??

I'mNotAFurry: i thought u were amestrian??

FanGirl: This reply is beautiful

FryingPAN: liek i know im dating win and all

FryingPAN: BUT IS SAW THIS REALLY HOT GIRL 

Wrench: OOH do tell~

FryingPAN is typing...

OnUrKnees: ur reaction to ur gf finding a hot girl is 'go on'

MeiYouFuckOff: Imagine two disaster bis together

MeiYouFuckOff: So many gay panics for people who aren't their partner

FanGirl: Sounds like someone I know

OnUrKnees: really, who??

FanGirl: ... This is weird

I'mNotAFurry: what's wrong?? 

FryingPAN: right so basically - AHHH! she was so hot, omg. she had wavy black hair and it was just -- _hhhhh_ \-- and she had black eyes as well. she was wearing this very skimpy dress like it was sleeveless and form-fitting. the best part was the black, leather gloves she wore. it fucking killed me-- 

FryingPAN: she could stab me, and id thank her ngl

Wrench: I WANT ME A PIECE OF THAT

I'mNotAFurry: i feel like she probably has stabbed someone tbh

MeiYouFuckOff: In this day and age, I wouldn't be surprised lol

OnUrKnees: ok, does anyone else feel a sudden sense of foreboding

OnUrKnees: my stomach is churning - i dont even have an appetite

FanGirl: I agree. Something is just off

I'mNotAFurry: i mean, a bit, but that's normal for me 

Wrench: are you guys okay? 

I'mNotAFurry: one sec guys. i gotta go. roy and riza r calling me

OnUrKnees: @It'sScIEnCe where are you? 

OnUrKnees: @It'sScIEnCe

FanGirl: That was it. Ed didn't text me. @It'sScIEnCe

FryingPAN: @It'sScIEnCe

MeiYouFuckOff: @It'sScIEnCe, you're scaring me...

Wrench: @It'sScIEnCe @It'sScIEnCe @It'sScIEnCe

It'sScIEnCe: Hi, this is Maria Ross, one of Roy Mustang's coworkers. Edward is currently in the hospital. His phone was found on him. It will be returned as soon as possible.

OnUrKnees: what happened? what's wrong with ed? 

It'sScIEnCe is typing...

It'sScIEnCe: He was kidnapped and almost murdered. The culprit was arrested. Edward will be released soon as there were no major injuries. 

* * *

_Private Message: OnUrKnees > FanGirl_

OnUrKnees: can i come round yours? i don't want to be alone right now

FanGirl: Of course


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Chapter 13

"Brother!" Al immediately ran to Ed, ignoring everything else, and hugged him tightly. "What happened? Oh my God, you're wounded. Are you okay!?"

Ed huffed out a laugh at his little brother and nodded. "I'm fine. A bit spooked... But I'm fine."

He most definitely was not fine. He was kidnapped by a serial killer because he looked like a girl, his automail arm was taken away, and the psychotic man almost killed him if Ed hadn't swung his automail arm and hit the guy's temple. Barry the Chopper, he was called. Barry the Chopper, a serial killer who targetted females with long, blond hair.

Ed felt sick.

"Ed." Riza and Roy walked in, the former placing her hand on his shoulder. "It's okay to be scared. You just had a run-in with a serial killer."

Ed looked down, suddenly feeling a lot more tired than before. He came out with cuts lacing his arm and cheek from where Barry almost succeeded. Those would fade. But the mental impact wouldn't. He actually thought about cutting his hair before slapping himself for even thinking of doing so. He begged his mom to let him grow his hair out - cutting it would get rid of such a personal monument.

Roy walked over, bringing Ed into a hug. "You don't have to stay strong." And just like that, Ed broke into sobs, clutching his surrogate father's shirt, burying his face into it and completely disregarded his worthless pride. He felt Al's hand rub against his back and Riza's hand settle on his shoulder once more.

Ed has felt terrified before. This doesn't even approach it, but it sure as hell came close to.

* * *

Lan Fan opened to door at the second ring. Ling was even worse off than she thought. There were bags under his eyes despite him always getting enough sleep, a deep frown on his face, and his eyes, something he usually kept closed, were drooping open, gazing at the floor. His hair was a mess, clearly tied up in a rush with strands falling out and the top of his head being less than smooth.

"Come in." She decides not to comment on it, leading him to her room where Ed sat just a few days ago. Ling nodded weakly, following after her with downcast eyes. Once they were both sat down, Ling immediately hugged her, burying his head into her shoulder. She quickly wrapped her arms around his torso, rubbing her free hand on his back. "It's okay. Ed will be okay. Let it out... Let it out..."

And he did. He cried silently, something he usually reserved for her company only, and maybe grandpa's.

Lan Fan hated seeing him like this. It was one of the few moments she actually felt weak, a reminder that there are things that threats and knives won't solve.

The worst part is that it was because of Ed. Someone they've both come close too, though Lan Fan only did so recently. Ling had been close for far longer, and even just realised that he's developed a crush on him.

Relationships are foreign to her. She could never imagine being in a long-lasting, honest-to-God relationship. But she could imagine how much it would hurt to almost lose someone you love.

So she holds Ling close and lets him break because he deserved that much.

* * *

"P-Pan..." Winry held her phone to her ear, tears in her eyes and a sob caught in her throat. "Paninya... Do - Do you think that...? Can we just - just talk? I need some sort o-of distraction."

 _"Of course, Win..."_ Paninya's voice softens and Winry can tell that she's freaked out and upset by this turn of events too. _"What do you want to talk about?"_

"Anything." Is her immediate reply, "I don't care I just need - something to take my mind off this..."

 _"Okay..."_ She really loves Paninya sometimes. She always loves her, but moments like these are when Winry cherishes her the most. _" Remember that girl I talked about in the group chat? She had a tattoo..."_

Winry makes a noise in between a sob and laugh, "Really?"

_"Yeah. Some sort of beast. It was eating its own tail..."_

* * *

Mei didn't know how to feel. The others may not have caught on, but she did. She was taking nursing, of course, she caught on.

Minor injuries, Officer Ross said. It meant that Ed wasn't in danger of dying, but it could mean a lot of other things. For all they knew, Ed could have broken bones or something just as painful. His automail might have been destroyed or left him in shock, or something!

She wondered if becoming a doctor was really a good idea if she was this worked up. But then, it's because it's Ed that she's like this. Ed, while not the most charming guy, was her friend and someone she knew she could rely on. Despite their friendship level he had jokingly told them about, Mei knew for a fact that everyone on the group chat was a close friend of his, and each other. 

That's why she was so scared for this boy she hated at first. 

Because she loves him - as a brother, of course. 

Even Ling Yao, who she despised more than anything at first, had grown on her. And their friendship was far from accepted by their mothers.

Until Ed stepped in, pointing out that the one they should be mad at is the father/husband and suddenly they bonded over hating the fucker and then started seeing each other. 

Edward did that. Ed solved their family dispute when he didn't have to. He's the reason Mei can still interact with Ling, her step-brother.

And she couldn't stand to not know if he was okay. 

But it will have to wait - she's sure that Al is fretting over Ed at this very moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell that I love Lan Fan yet?


	15. Chapter 15

It'sScIEnCe has sent (1) image: [The image is the top half os his head, showing his eyes but nothing below. His antenna is straight up. In the background, you see an IV Drip and the hospital wall.]

It'sScIEnCe: I lived bitch

Wrench: good. if u didn't, i would have smashed your head in with my wrench 

FanGirl: I'm glad to see that you're okay

MeiYouFuckOff: THANK GOD, OH MY FUCK

FryingPAN: don't do that again :((

OnUrKnees: you had me so fucking worried. if you scare me like that again, i will not hesitate to drain your wallet dry

I'mNotAFurry: ling's way to show affection: do that again, i will steal your wallet

It'sScIEnCe: I wasn't exactly looking to be kidnapped? It just sort of happened

FanGirl: No one actively seeks out to be kidnapped

FryingPAN: and what if we're into that?? how dare u assume my kinks

Wrench: we know that u ain't down for that shit babe

FryingPAN: yeah but mei is

MeiYouFuckOff: Jxcbjdskcnhsoak

OnUrKnees: u got her to key smash 

OnUrKnees: you've won

It'sScIEnCe: What did she win? 

OnUrKnees: she's won

I'mNotAFurry: how did u even know?? 

FryingPAN: foolish mortals. u look upon me and see only illusions. i know everyone's kinks. kink is my middle name. i rule of kinks. i even know your parent's kinks. do not underestimate my power

It'sScIEnCe: Yeah, I know about my parent's kinks too

Wrench: cbdjskfn forgot about that lmao

FanGirl: Can we please discuss what actually happened to you, Ed?

MeiYouFuckOff: Yeah. Are you okay? Why were you kidnapped? 

MeiYouFuckOff: But don't push yourself

I'mNotAFurry: brother, u don't have to answer us

Wrench: yeah, it's okay

FryingPAN: yeah, take it easy, ed

FanGirl: I agree. As much as I want to know, it is not worth you remembering things you don't want

OnUrKnees: just know that you're safe with us. i promise 

It'sScIEnCe: You guys are nice, but it's fine

It'sScIEnCe: Basically, I was walking home from the library and it started to rain. So I went into an alleyway because I wanted to get home asap. But then I see Barry (the serial killer) and, well

It'sScIEnCe: You know how people mistake me for a girl? 

OnUrKnees: shit

It'sScIEnCe: Barry has a type: girls with long, blond hair. And well, guess what? 

It'sScIEnCe: My automail arm was removed when I woke up, but I was on a wooden chair so I fell back and managed to break it and run. Barry ended up chasing me so I swung my arm at him and knocked him out

It'sScIEnCe: I only got a few cuts and grazes

FryingPAN: shit, fuck, r u ok? 

I'mNotAFurry: why didn't u tell roy and riza? 

OnUrKnees: i'm free if you wanna talk

It'sScIEnCe: It's fine. I got it out of my system

It'sScIEnCe: @I'mNotAFurry I told them last night

I'mNotAFurry: good

Wrench: say f if u think ed should stop bottling up emotions

FryingPAN: f

OnUrKnees: f

FanGirl: F

I'mNotAFurry: f

MeiYouFuckOff: F

It'sScIEnCe: JOKES ON YOU FUCKS, F MEANS FUCK OFF


	16. Chapter 16

FryingPAN has changed (6) names

* * *

IntoBondage: MORNING

IntoBondage: ...

IntoKnifePlay: Wtf?? 

FryingPAN: FOOLS™

FryingPAN: u thought i wouldn't use the power at my disposal??

IntoCollars: i hate my life

IntoNipplePlay: u think urs is bad?? 

IntoWhips: Oh really now? 

IntoSensoryDeprivation: I just--

FryingPAN: ONLY I CAN CHANGE THE NAMES 

FryingPAN: SUFFER MY WRATH

IntoWhips has changed FryingPAN's name to IntoForeplay

IntoForeplay: MOTHERFCUKER

IntoForeplay: HOW'D U DO THAT

IntoWhips: Fool. Do you really believe you can shame me? 

IntoWhips has changed their name to FanGirl

FanGirl: For shame

IntoSensoryDeprivation: I'm not all too surprised?? 

IntoKnifePlay: Change us baaaacckkk

FanGirl: I don't know who is who

IntoForeplay: that's right. i ain't doing it. reveal ur kinky side >:))

IntoCollars: okay, so who is willing to come out?? 

IntoBondage: um. no one?? 

IntoNipplePlay: @IntoCollars is al, smh

IntoCollars: KXNDJSKXNSN

IntoSensoryDeprivation: I am not surprised

IntoKnifePlay: Neither am I

FanGirl has changed IntoCollars's name to I'mAFurry

I'mAFurry: u got the name wrong...

FanGirl: No. No, I didn't

IntoNipplePlay: cjdjfjks

IntoSensoryDeprivation: Who else is going to ruin friendships? 

IntoNipplePlay: lmao

IntoKnifePlay: Wait, @IntoForeplay, are these top kinks or bottoms?? 

IntoForeplay: well

IntoForeplay: @IntoNipplePlay @IntoSensoryDeprivation and @IntoKnifePlay are bottoms

IntoForeplay: everyone else is tops

I'mAFurry: well, who are the bottoms in the group?? 

IntoNipplePlay: most of us r virgins al?? 

IntoKnifePlay: Don't need to be a virgin to know 

FanGirl: Ling and Winry are switches, so that doesn't help

I'mNotAFurry: i have no idea who's a top

IntoForeplay: shall i reveal win's?? 

IntoNipplePlay: DON'T U FUCKING DARE

IntoNipplePlay: FUCK!! WRONG CHAT

FanGirl has changed IntoNipplePlay's name to Screwed

Screwed: i just fucking sold myself outnzndnsk

IntoBondage: yuP

IntoKnifePlay: We have Ed, Mei and Ling left

IntoBondage: wait 

IntoBondage: i have le idea

IntoBondage: the sky is blue because it reflects the colour of the sea

IntoSensoryDeprivation: EXCUSE ME

intoSensoryDeprivation: Are you a fucking idiot?? 

IntoSensoryDeprivation: "The sky is blue because it reflects the--" 

IntoSensroyDeprivation: AS IF THAT'S FUCKING TRUE

FanGirl has changed IntoSensoryDeprivation's name to It'sScIEnCe

It'sScIEnCe: FUCKING FIGHT ME BITCH

It'sScIEnCe: ...

Screwed: lmao u gone goofed

IntoForeplay: like u can talk win

I'mAFurry: it's okay brother, at least u weren't first

It'sScIEnCe: @IntoKnifePlay is Mei and @IntoBondage is Ling

IntoBondage: lmao u got me

IntoKnifePlay: THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED YOU TO FIND OUT

FanGirl has changed IntoBondage's name to OnUrKnees

FanGirl has changed IntoKnifePlay's name to MeiYouFuckOff

IntoForeplay: um favouritism?? 

FanGirl: No. Ling's name suits him and Mei's name is iconic

Screwed: can't even argue

I'mAFurry: xndn shit u rite


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paninya: IntoForeplay  
> Winry: Screwed

_Private Message: It'sScIEnCe > IntoForeplay_

It'sScIEnCe: I will only say this once and delete it once you read it

It'sScIEnCe: _This message has been deleted._

IntoForeplay: OH MY FUCKING GOD!! DID YOU JUST THANK ME??

IntoForeplay: wat for?? 

IntoForeplay: is this for me shouting u out on yt??

It'sScIEnCe: No??

It'sScIEnCe: Wait, you did that? 

IntoForeplay: yell heah man

It'sScIEnCe: That too then

It'sScIEnCe: But it's 'cause of my gay ass and I refuse to tell you

IntoForeplay: OH COME OOONNNNN

IntoForeplay: TELL ME YOUR CRUSH

_This user has blocked you._

* * *

_Private Message: IntoForeplay > Screwed_

IntoForeplay: BAAAABBBEEE

IntoForeplay: ED BLOCKED ME

Screwed: gee i wonder why

IntoForeplay: aww r u still mad about me outing u??

_This user has blocked you._

* * *

_Private Message: OnUrKnees > IntoForeplay_

OnUrKnees: thank you for outing everyone 

IntoForeplay: ur welc!! 

IntoForeplay: lmao imagine if i changed ur name to 'IntoDeepthroating'

_This user had blocked you._

* * *

**FOOLS™**

IntoForeplay: who else has or is going to block me?? :')

_FanGirl has removed IntoForeplay from "FOOLS™"_


	18. Chapter 18

_Private Message: FanGirl > It'sScIEnCe_  


FanGirl: Are you going to do it? 

FanGirl: Ed? 

It'sScIEnCe: Fuck off

It'sScIEnCe: Yeah

FanGirl: :)

* * *

_Private Message: It'sScIEnCe > OnUrKnees_  


It'sScIEnCe: Hey

OnUrKnees: hey ed

OnUrKnees: what's up?? 

It'sScIEnCe: Do you wanna hang out? 

OnUrKnees: sure. want me to message everyone?? 

It'sScIEnCe: No

It'sScIEnCe: Just us

OnUrKnees: so

OnUrKnees is typing...

OnUrKnees: like a date?

It'sScIEnCe is typing...

It'sScIEnCe is typing...

It'sScIEnCe: Yeah. Like a date

OnUrKnees: okay. where'd u wanna meet? 

It'sScIEnCe: Remember where we sat on New Years? 

OnUrKnees: i'll be there

It'sScIEnCe: Good

OnUrKnees: good

* * *

_Private Message: OnUrKnees > FanGirl_  


OnUrKnees: AAAAHHHHHHHHH

* * *

_Private Message: It'sScIEnCe > FanGirl_  


It'sScIEnCe: AAAAAAAHHHHHH

* * *

Lan Fan chuckled at the messages. Her boys really are adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tune in next week for the first date!! :D


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edling's first date and get-together

Ed was buzzing. Finally, after what felt like years of pining, he's about to go on a date with Ling. The most oblivious fucker on the planet.

He ended up arriving early, too excited to not to. There was a bag off food next to him with food that he cooked the night prior ready for a picnic.

For a while, he thought Ling was joking. Just pranking him and wasn't actually going to come. Because he'd been there for ten minutes and there was still no sign of his hopefully soon-to-be boyfriend.

But then he heard Ling call his name, "Ed!" The immigrant ran up the hill, waving his hand as Ed sat up, smiling and waving back. "Hey!" He felt quite pleased to see the beginnings of a blush tinting his cheeks. "Sorry, I'm late. I was sorting my hair out."

Ed snorted, "Yeah, can't all have perfect hair like Al and me."

Ling pouted and slid next to Ed, feigning irritation. "You can say that again."

He chuckled at the comment, feeling the small breeze brush against his cheek. Then, after a moment or two in silence, Ed brought their attention to the food he made. "I, uh, made some food. For a picnic."

"Nice."

They easily set up the cover and laid all the food out (all of it because Ling was a heavy eater). It was a bit cliche, but Ed had never been on a date before and this was the most romantic thing he could think of. And maybe if he told Riza or Al they would give him some ideas, but he wanted it to be a surprise.

Ling smiled, "These look really good. Babe." Ed froze, blood rushing to his cheeks. Quietly, he heard Ling mumble, " _I can say that now...!_ "

"Th-Thanks... Love...." They both choked.

There were about half-way done with the food when Ed spoke up, "I love you." And Ling froze. "I mean, it was kind of obvious with me asking you out on this date and me calling you 'l-love', but, uh... this is where I started falling for you, you know?"

Ling gulped. "... Really...?"

He nodded, smiling to himself and at the floor, "During the New Years Festival..."

Ling smiled too and place his food down, "I'm not sure when I started falling for you. I've only recently realised along with my sexuality." Ed flushed up to his hairline. "But, I can say that my feelings have been there for a while. They just went unnoticed."

"..." Ed sighed and placed his own paper plate down. "So do you, um, want to - y'know... Be my boyfriend...?"

Ling smiled happily, "I thought you'd never ask. Of course, Ed."

* * *

"This has been really nice." Ling held Ed's hand as they stood outside the latter's house. "I hope we can do this again soon."

Ed nodded too, that soft smile on his lips, "No, duh."

Ling stared at his lips. He wanted to feel them, to kiss them. To leave them swollen and red. He wanted to feel his tongue brush against Ed's and swallow any noise he makes. He wants to trace kisses down his neck and kiss any scar he comes across.

He doesn't. 

Ed does though. 

He's about to turn the doorknob when he turns around and pulls his collar down so that their heights match. And he kisses him. It's vanilla at best for a moment before Ling starts to kiss back, pulling his waist in and weaving his fingers in his hair, pulling his head back and deepening the kiss.

And he knows when Ed figures out how a kiss works and kisses back, that this is something they've both wanted for a while now. 

And he sees fireworks.

They separate for breath and Ling barely has time to process what just happened before Ed enters his house and shuts the door. The small thud and the exclamation of 'brother' wake Ling up. He leaves the vicinity, pressing a single finger against his lip as he smiles goofily to himself.

Edward Elric just kissed him.

* * *

I'mAFurry: send help. brother's collapsed at the door and is blushing like no one's business

OnUrKnees: my bad


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It'sScIEnCe: Ed  
> OnUrKnees: Ling  
> I'mAFurry: Al  
> MeiYouFuckOff: Mei  
> Screwed: Winry  
> IntoForeplay: Paninya  
> FanGirl: Lan Fan

Screwed: what does that mean?? 'my bad'??

MeiYouFuckOff: Oh my God

MeiYouFuckOff: Has it finally happened?

MeiYouFuckOff: Please tell me it has

I'mAFurry: brother isn't computing rn, he's sort of just laying face-flat on the floor and mumbling to himself

FanGirl: :) 

IntoForeplay: COME OOONNNN LAN FAN

IntoForeplay: TELL USSSS

OnUrKnees: there r (2) things u need to know

OnUrKnees: (1) i take it all back, i'm gay af

Screwed: called it. pay up, pan

IntoForeplay: m o t h e r f u c k e r

OnUrKnees: and 2

OnUrKnees: i have a boyfriend

MeiYouFuckOff: Y E S

MeiYouFuckOff: I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

Screwed: what does that have to do with ed passing out??

I'mAFurry: where is this going, ling?? do i have to murder someone??

FanGirl: This is just sad. You mortals are pathetic

IntoForeplay: hey i take offence to that!! 

OnUrKnees: dnsjkxk

OnUrKnees: i see now why u two are always so agitated, @MeiYouFuckOff @FanGirl

It'sScIEnCe: I'm alive

It'sScIEnCe: I too, have gotten a boyfriend

I'mAFurry: oh! that's why you were blushing! who is it??

Screwed: i feel so sorry for ur boyf

IntoForeplay: lmao whos the unlucky guy

OnUrKnees: im not sure whether i feel offended or not

Screwed: why would u feel offended??

MeiYouFuckOff: OHMYFUCKINGGOD

It'sScIEnCe: Wait - I have a solution

It'sScIEnCe has changed OnUrKnees's name to Boyf

It'sScIEnCe has changed their name to Riend

Riend: Get it yet??

Screwed: JCBDJSK

I'mAFurry: you and ling??

IntoForeplay: ngl did not see that one coming

FanGirl: It was painfully obvious

FanGirl: I felt sorry for Ed with how many times Ling casually rejected him

Boyf: I SAID I WAS SORRY

MeiYouFuckOff: I really wouldn't have been surprised to see Ed breaking down from so many failed attempts lmao

Riend: Fuck off

FanGirl: Okay, but I'm changing your usernames back

FanGirl has changed Boyf's name to OnUrKnees

FanGirl has changed Riend's name to It'sScIEnCe

It'sScIEnCe: That's fair


	21. Chapter 21

IntoForeplay: KXCHJSSKKXSN

IntoForeplay: I SAW TATTOO GIRL AGAIN

MeiYouFuckOff: The ginger one?

Wrench: no, the girl she gushed about before we found out about ed being in the hospital

IntoForeplay: lmao i forgot to say but she had this weird tattoo on her chest

FanGirl: What did it look like? 

IntoForeplay: it was some sort of beast eating its tail

OnUrKnees: thats weird lol

I'mAFurry: vest guy had the same tattoo but it was on his hand!! 

OnUrKnees: lmao

It'sScIEnCe: That's fucking weird 

It'sScIEnCe: Sandals guy had one too

I'mAFurry: uh

OnUrKnees: coincidence? i think not

MeiYouFuckOff: Aren't you reading into things? 

It'sScIEnCe: It'd be fine it were normal tattoos like flowers or koi but it's an ouroboros tattoo

Wrench: ouroboros??

Wrench: (u have no idea how long that took me to typenfnsm)

IntoForeplay: (lmao is ok babe)

FanGirl: What does the tattoo symbolise, Ed? 

It'sScIEnCe: It symbolises immortality, basically

I'mAFurry: well, that's not all

Wrench: et tu, al?? 

I'mAFurry: ok but hear us out

I'mAFurry: our bio dad seemed really against them in his journals

I'mAFurry: like, he was bashing on them pretty hard

IntoForeplay: like what?m 

It'sScIEnCe: "Trusting anyone who has these symbols inscribed on their skin will only lead to trouble on my end. I must steer clear or I will end up harming them or myself."

It'sScIEnCe: He was kinda angsty ngl

MeiYouFuckOff: Like you aren't lol

It'sScIEnCe: I WILL END YOU

MeiYouFuckOff: No but this is kinda freaky

OnUrKnees: maybe u guys should just never approach them

IntoForeplay: way ahead of u buddy

Wrench: but what if they're good guys? maybe ur bio-dad just has a bad exp w/ them

FanGirl: Usually, I'd be on your side, Winry, as it's logical, but I will admit my wariness off them 

I'mAFurry: its a shame -- the vest guy seemed really nice ://

Wrench: u mean hot

I'mAFurry: for u maybe

IntoForeplay: kinda insulted ngl

* * *

_Private Message: Unknown Number > It'sScIEnCe_

Unknown Number: OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR ENVY

Unknown Number: I WILL SHOVE MY FIST UP YOUR ASS

It'sScIEnCe: Wrong number pal

It'sScIEnCe: Also, I'm rooting for you

Unknown Number: Lmao, why?? 

It'sScIEnCe: I yelled the exact same to my boyfriend when he locked me out of my own room

It'sScIEnCe: I might make good with my promise 

Unknown Number: You're so chaotic

Unknown Number: I love it

Unknown Number: Anyway, gotta go shove my fist up a certain someone's ass

Unknown Number: Cya 

It'sScIEnCe: See ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this?? Actual?? Plot?? 
> 
> Guess who texted Ed >:))


	22. Chapter 22

_Private Message: It'sScIEnCe > OnUrKnees_

It'sScIEnCe: Hey, do you

It'sScIEnCe: Wanna like

OnUrKnees: like?? 

It'sScIEnCe: Meet my parents? 

It'sScIEnCe: As my boyfriend? 

OnUrKnees: sicjsjdndjskcnsk

OnUrKnees: y e s

It'sScIEnCe: Tomorrow good? 

OnUrKnees: one sec

OnUrKnees: tomorrow gooood

It'sScIEnCe: So I'll see you tomorrow then! I'll tell Roy and Riza

OnUrKnees: oh yeye

* * *

**De Le Fam**

Spitfire: who changed the name again?? 

Spitfire: Ed

It'sScIEnCe: Don't look at me. Look at Al

I'mAFurry: wat did i do!?!? 

It'sScIEnCe: You're not as innocent as you make yourself out to be >://

I'mAFurry: wow ok blame the little bro

Spitfire: Riza? 

Pewpew: I couldn't help it

I'mAFurry: JXBDBSJXKXJAN

It'sScIEnCe: TOP TEN ANIME BETRAYALS 

I'mAFurry: U LURKER

Pewpew: Well, it's kind of my job to watch from afar

It'sScIEnCe: Shit, you have a point

It'sScIEnCe: ANYWAY

It'sScIEnCe: So, I kinda got a boyfriend last week 

Spitfire: LAST WEEK

Pewpew: And we're only finding out now? 

Spitfire: LAST WEEK

It'sScIEnCe: Please stop glaring - I don't even need to see

Spitfire: L A S T W E E K

I'mAFurry: no last year

Spitfire: LAST FJNSJX WEEK 

Spitfire: okay, I'm done

It'sScIEnCe: I know you guys are free tomorrow, and so is he, so I am bringing him in to meet de le fam 

Spitfire: UR BRINGING HIM HOMENXJDKS

Pewpew: EDWARD

_It'sScIEnCe has left De Le Fam_

_Pewpew has added It'sScIEnCe to De Le Fam_

Pewpew: _Home. Now._

It'sScIEnCe: PERIOD THREE HAS LITERALLY JUST STARTED

Pewpew: I do not care. Get home. _Now._

* * *

**FOOLS™**

FanGirl: Anyone know why Ed just zoomed past my class?

I'mAFurry: it's nothing!! riza told him to get home, is all! 

OnUrKnees: lmao

I'mAFurry: shut the fuck up ling. we're onto you 

_OnUrKnees has left FOOLS™_

MeiYouFuckOff: You can run but you can't hide


	23. Chapter 23

**FOOLS™**

OnUrKnees: riza is so nicedbdn

OnUrKnees: ngl kinda feel like roy wants to b u r n me

FanGirl: Oh yeah, you're at Ed's

MeiYouFuckOff: Roy always feels like that lol

Screwed: rly?? never noticed ngl

OnUrKnees: im hiding in the toilet. i think their gonna do the whole 'hurt my son i hurt you' talk

IntoForeplay: i think you mean 'hurt my son i hurt you' threat

MeiYouFuckOff: Either way, all I'm hearing is that you're dead

FanGirl: All I'm hearing is that officers of the law are willing to break the law 

Screwed: lol

I'mAFurry: it's even worse

MeiYouFuckOff: Hey, Al!! 

I'mAFurry: hiii!!

I'mAFurry: anyway, they're gonna do the sex talk stuff :((

Screwed: run, al. u needn't hear such things

It'sScIEnCe: HE'S NOT AS INNOCENT AS HE SEEMS

It'sScIEnCe: HE IS LITERALLY A FUCKING FURRY

FanGirl: How dare you accuse sweet Alphonse of such a thing? I am disappointed in you, Ed

It'sScIEnCe: Yeah, well I'm always disappointed in myself so what difference does it make?

MeiYouFuckOff: Ed, no

It'sScIEnCe: Ed, yes

OnUrKnees: ed no :((

It'sScIEnCe: okay fine

Screwed: whipped

IntoForeplay: deja vu?? 

Screwed: LIKE I BEEN IN THIS PLACE BEFORE

FanGirl: I have never been so disappointed in this fucking family


	24. Chapter 24

Screwed: NO BUT I NEED A WAY TO INTRODUCE THE SMUT

IntoForeplay: um. babe

MeiYouFuckOff: FOOL™

MeiYouFuckOff: NOW THEY KNOW

OnUrKnees: im listening

It'sScIEnCe: Ling

OnUrKnees: dont act so innocent _pet_

It'sScIEnCe: JXBDJKS

I'mAFurry: i could have lived so many lives without seeing that 

I'mAFurry: thanks ling

FanGirl: Can we backtrack? 

FanGirl: Winry, do you mind explaining? 

IntoForeplay: lmao meis in it as well

MeiYouFuckOff: Well, I'm not explaining it

MeiYouFuckOff: Knock yourself out, Winry

Screwed: im <<

OnUrKnees: lmao

It'sScIEnCe: Literally none of us are going to judge you 

I'mAFurry: we all read ff and smut so

Screwed: djbfjskskcn

Screwed: basically im writing a ff and i wanna incorporate smut 

Screwed: but i have no idea how to ease it in

MeiYouFuckOff: I told her to write what she and Paninya do but she can't cause it's mlm 

MeiYouFuckOff: So, Edling

IntoForeplay: spill the deets

I'mAFurry: ...

I'mAFurry: yep, i'm done

I'mAFurry has left FOOLS™

FanGirl had added I'mAFurry to FOOLS™

I'mAFurry: LEAVE ME ALONE LAN FAN

IntoForeplay: who tops and who bottoms?? 

Screwed: im guessing ed bottoms from the whole pet thing

FanGirl: Ling's both so

MeiYouFuckOff: The real question is who's a dom and who's a sub?? 

I'mAFurry has left FOOLS™

OnUrKnees: if u really wanna know

OnUrKnees: we switch like any healthy couple

It'sScIEnCe is typing...

FanGirl has added I'mAFurry to FOOLS™

It'sScIEnCe: "Pet" is for when I bottom during kinky sex

I'mAFurry: PLEASE STOP

I'mAFurry: I REALLY DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THIS

IntoForeplay: ok but how does sexy time start for u guys?? 

I'mAFurry has muted FOOLS™ for (1) hour(s)

IntoForeplay: for me and win, we usually just say that we're horny and the rest is history

Screwed: THEY DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT BABE

Screwed: WE ONLY NEED TO OUT EDLING

MeiYouFuckOff: What if you're in public? 

IntoForeplay: bathroom

Screwed: bathroom

FanGirl: Edling? How about you? 

It'sScIEnCe: I can usually just tell from the way Ling speaks

It'sScIEnCe: Like, I can hear the moment he goes from sexual humour to sexual 

MeiYouFuckOff: I will spam Al with screenshots of this convo

OnUrKnees: ed is very upfront about it. he'll either text me saying that he wants me, or he'll pin me against the bed or wall and demand sex or smth 

Screwed: okay but how do u decide who tops and bottoms?? 

OnUrKnees: depends. first time or all the other times?? 

MeiYouFuckOff: Both

It'sScIEnCe: The first time, we negotiated beforehand. Like, we did some research and we had a whole conversation about giving and receiving. I received first and then Ling started receiving after the first three or four times 

OnUrKnees: eds so cute when he bottoms

OnUrKnees: he just melts and can barely keep up the second time in!! 

It'sScIEnCe: SHUT THE FUCK UP LING

It'sScIEnCe: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO COULD BARELY LOOK ME IN THE EYE WHEN HE CLIMAXED

OnUrKnees: I GOT OVER IT DONT @ ME

IntoForeplay: okay this is funny but can we go onto every other time

IntoForeplay: cus me and win always alternate every time even if we wanna top or take a second time ://

It'sScIEnCe: It's a spur at the moment decision

OnUrKnees: yeah usually decided by who has the upper hand in the initial kiss

FanGirl: Onto the real question

FanGirl: Who's bigger? 

It'sScIEnCe: YOU CAN'T JUST ASK THAT 

OnUrKnees: lan fan, i love you, but just -- _stop_

MeiYouFuckOff: Damn! I can't tell with those reactions :/

Screwed: ngl ed is pretty big

IntoForeplay: and you know this how? 

IntoForeplay: do we need to talk, winry? 

Screwed: KXHSNSKFHSB NO

Screwed: I WALKED IN ON HIM SHOWERING LAST YEAR AT THE SLEEPOVER REMEMBER

IntoForeplay: oh shit yeah

IntoForeplay: u were traumatised

FanGirl: Similarly, I would say Ling is also quite big

FanGirl: I don't know who's bigger though, I couldn't see for the angle I walked in on

MeiYouFuckOff: Oh no, you poor child

MeiYouFuckOff: You saw these heathens going at it? 

FanGirl: I have never been the same since. Walking in on people having sex is mortifying

It'sScIEnCe: Tell me about it

OnUrKnees: i keep forgetting about you walking in on ur adoptive parents lmao

IntoForeplay: lol

* * *

_Private Message: RANDOM GUY > It'sScIEnCe_

RANDOM GUY: I think I'm high on paint thinner so don't tell popssss

It'sScIEnCe: I've gotten high on the chemicals lying around so I can't really blame you

It'sScIEnCe: Also, nice to hear from you too, Random Guy

RANDOM GUY: Uhhhh 

RANDOM GUY: Is this Fist of Justice?? 

It'sScIEnCe: If, by that, you mean the guy you accidentally texted about fisting some guy's ass two months ago, then yeah 

It'sScIEnCe: It's Fist of Justice 

RANDOM GUY: Oh

RANDOM GUY: Suh' dude

* * *

_**FOOLS™** _

IntoForeplay: if you must know, Ling's bigger by like two millimetres 

Screwed: lol everyone's taller than ed in one way or the other

MeiYouFuckOff: Ling wins in all types of heights

MeiYouFuckOff: Also

MeiYouFuckOff: Fuck?? You?? I'm?? Shorter?? Than Ed??

I'mAFurry: WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS!!??

I'mAFurry: IT'S BEEN AN HOUR


End file.
